On May 15, 2013

It has been a while since I cut myself, Maybe two months, and thats extremely good for me. I went from cutting myself once or more a day to two months. Well on that day (It was two days ago) something came over me. I was angry at myself for a reason I'm still not sure of but then again when you have depression you're not sure of anything anymore. So my anger overcame my body and became a sadness, I became full of emotions. I was angry, upset, and confused. You can guess what happened next, I started cutting again, on my right thigh, but this time instead of it being cuts in my leg I carved a word, The word was ALONE because currently thats how I feel. Alone. And now I broke my promise to myself. Now those two months of no cuts mean nothing until I can get that far again but right now that feels Impossible.

I hate this.

My Uncle Joe is here, standing 7 feet away from me. Why am I so nervous? Because he ruined me. He was one of the reasons I'm like this. Before last Summer he was my best friend, the one person that I told everything to me. Well right before summer He stole from us, and other people. My family trusted him. I trusted him. And for some reason. He is back in my house. Again.   I don't understand why he is right here. After what he done to me. 

I forgive him, after he left me alone, when I needed him most. Now he is becoming best friends with my sister Tiffany. I can here them talking. She is telling him I am the spoiled sister, that I get what I want and that I spend all of my parents money. No. For the past months the only thing I asked my parents for is a bunny  a fucking bunny. Am I spending 1,000 dollars like her? no. So fuck you Tiffany.

I wnat to scream it out. To just let the world know how I feel. But I can't.

Summer

So of course I have to wait two LONG weeks until Summer. Plus the last week of school is also finals so I can't just not go. Waiting for Summer is like waiting for my Dad to get home form work every evening. I remember when I was younger and that was the best thing ever. I was so excited to see that old Toyota pull up in the yard so I could tell my dad about my day. I remember when he didn't pull up in the yard one night. It was for a reason I still wouldn't understand but then again that was seven years ago.My mom tells me it wasn't really anything but it had to be something for him not to come home one night. Anyways back to me complain about how long it's gonna take until Summer arrives. I'm actually kind of scared for it to come because of last summer. Last summer had to be the worst Summer in the history of Summers.

May 3, 2013

Today is the day I decide to get into blogging. I was told blogging could basically be anything I wanted it to be like an essay, a newspaper article, or even a journal entry. I decided for this to be like a journal. About my everyday life, and about my feelings. I want everyone to know what its like to me. Well I'm currently in 9th grade and age 14. In about a week my sister is going to graduate which is extremely hard because she is my best friend and understand everything I tell her. Well people believe she might not graduate because she hasn't been turning in her work. I believe differently. I think she will and I'll never give up on her. Well today as me and Catherine were waiting for my mother to get her she showed me a text message, it was form my mother and it said..
"Catherine I'm about to give up on you."
Why would a mother give up on her child for anything. I was furious, my sister was crying. It was a very interesting ride home. I told my mom I knew what my goals in high school were going to be. She said good and that I should do everything I can to reach the goal. I smiled and said I will. She then asked me what it was. First of all I said well at age 17,it is legal for a child to move out so at age 17, I'm leaving. And at age 16 I'm getting my GED and dropping out. She of course hated my goal. So I asked her do you give up on me? She looked at me and finally noticed what i was doing. She apologized to Catherine and when we got home Catherine got in trouble by my dad.
Lesson One for Parents:NEVER give up on your child. Not Ever.